Displaying integrity is more than just a word. It encompasses behaviors. Integrity means following our moral compass...what we think is right. Showing integrity means giving up short-term rewards for something better in the long-term. The rewards given up are not tangible, such as money. They are much more intangible: being able to escape a tough situation now, avoiding responsibility, blaming others, giving excuses when something you do goes wrong, seeking immediate pleasure, gaining approval, and indulging oneself. Even though those are intangible rewards, they are VERY powerful motivators for our choices of behaviors.
Think of times you have been a situation and were asked to explain the reasons an activity didn't produce an expected outcome. Your choice could have been to act without integrity and blame someone else or give excuses for the failure. Think about a time a person asked you to do something you really didn't want to do. You could have manufactured an excuse to walk away from that person, without giving an answer, or you could have agreed to something you didn't want to do, as a way to gain approval from the person.
At times, acting without integrity may produce a quicker result. You are able to avoid responsibility for something that went wrong. Conversation ended. You agree to something that you don’t want to do, just to get a person off your back. Conversation ended.
However, the issue doesn't really end. It keeps coming back. Imagine a beach ball is your situation needing attention, and your hand represents your acting without integrity….just to get the “quick fix”. Picture your hand pushing the beach ball under water. “I just want to do whatever is necessary to get out of this situation”, you say. The ball can’t be seen any more. It is gone, not to be dealt with any more. “Whew”, you might say. But, as soon as you move your hand, going on to other parts of your life, the ball pops back up...maybe even smacks you in the face. Acting without integrity may provide a quick fix, but it is not the best fix.
The times when we have to make a decision about how to behave as we handle a challenge are called key moments. Key moments allow us an opportunity to choose to act with integrity, or without it. Key moments occur at numerous times throughout the day. They can be as big as reporting an observed theft at the local Super Target store to as small as still smiling at the cashier in that Super Target store when he puts two books on top of your bananas.
How do you measure success? Is it the amount of things you accumulate? Is it the amount of money in your bank accounts? Is it measured by time—how quickly you move through a project or your “to do” list? Or, is your success measured by how you positively affect the people in your life. Is it quantified by the constructive way you influence others.
To act with integrity, we engage in behaviors which provide isolated victories. The victories are private, but VERY powerful. When we act from a position of integrity, we feel good about ourselves. We feel connected to others. We notice we are improving as humans.
Quite frankly, if we choose to act without integrity and to go for the quick reward, we are betraying ourselves. When we justify our actions, we rob ourselves of a chance to learn something else. When we blame others, we hold ourselves out as being more important than others, even when we know we aren't. To act without integrity is to de-value yourself.
When we act with integrity, we demonstrate that we value ourselves and others. We recognize that we are connected with other people and have opportunities to influence them positively. Our behavior is congruent with our valuing ourselves and others. What matters most is defined by our core beliefs, our guiding principles, and our vision for the future.
Sometimes, this is not easy to do. We make choices as to how to behave based on our paradigms. Paradigms are the mental filter we use to view the world and make meaning from our experiences. Paradigms are developed through our childhood experiences and lessons. Four filters used are: fear, duty, achievement, and integrity.
When operating from a fear paradigm, we believe we are not okay. We think life is unsafe unless we can control it and others. Our behaviors are fear based and occur in defiance or submission.
When behaving from a duty paradigm, we believe we are okay if people like us. We think life is to be endured. Our behaviors are chosen so that others like us. Our behavioral choices are limited, as we think of options in black and white terms.
When operating from an achievement paradigm, we believe we are okay if we are successful. We believe we must be the best and do things right. Behaviors are chosen if they show how important we are, or if they show we are better than others.
When behaving from an integrity paradigm, we believe we are okay even though we are not perfect. We think people are awesome and are to be trusted. We recognize we can behave from our moral compass. We know that our behaviors lead to positive relationships, and that we can affect any person in an affirmative manner.
Consider the example of spending repeated Sunday afternoons at the home of your in-laws. How we filter this opportunity leads to our view of the event which influences our behaviors.
If I operate from the fear paradigm, I will grudgingly go to their home because I am worried that if I don’t attend, the in-laws will become mad at me. Since I am very uncomfortable with people being mad at me, I choose to do something that I really don’t want to do. I most likely will not enjoy my Sunday afternoon.
If I operate from the duty paradigm, I will go to their home because it is just what you do in this family on a Sunday afternoon. It is required to spend Sunday afternoons with the in-laws. I would rather stay home and work in my garden, but I just sigh and carry the heavy burden of having to do something I don’t want to do. Again, I will most likely not enjoy the day. Plus, if I sigh and complain enough, I could damage the day for other family members.
When I operate from the achievement paradigm, I go to their home because I want to ensure they label me as “their best daughter-in-law”. I want to be seen as being better than the other people their children married. At their home, I may talk about something that makes me look important or shows my success…..rather than talk about their choice of topic.
When I operate from the integrity paradigm, I go to their home because I recognize this can be a way to show them I care about them. I also recognize that this is something I can do to please my husband. I do this, not because I am seeking approval but because these people are important in my life and I want to demonstrate that. I recognize that a better reward is the smile on someone’s face, not necessarily how I feel about an event.
When we are clear about our core beliefs (people are trustworthy; people are important; I am OK even though imperfect), we can operated from a position of integrity. Our behavior is congruent with our words. People know they can depend on us….that we are reliable and consistent. The rewards we receive are numerous. The best could be the satisfaction that comes from knowing we have acted in a manner that reflects our core, and that we are positively influencing others.
To learn more about acting with integrity and how to practice this understanding, contact Results Group, LLC at www.ResultsGroupLLC.com or 515-330-2866 .
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